no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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