yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
