he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
