I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
