I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
