So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm at about main and main street
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
