Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
