Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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