Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
