I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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