Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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