I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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