youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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