remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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