I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
