Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
