dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
