I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
