I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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