What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
