He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
