Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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