Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
