oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
