Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
