Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
