"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
