Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
