If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
