the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Houston, we have a blender
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
