Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
