would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
