she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
