Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
