my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
