I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
