dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
