Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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