There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
