My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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