How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
