Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
