This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
