I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
