Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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