Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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