Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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