There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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