He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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