Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
