So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
